sir please leave the caption writing for people who are actually funny
Instead of moaning during climax, whisper “great googly moogly” in their ear.
100% success record 10/10 would do again.
lay nudes at my gravestone, not flowers. flowers will wither away, but a bomb ass booty is forever
i would describe myself as “heart eyes emoji disguised as sunglasses emoji.” once u get through my sick and chill exterior u find a lot of love
Two scientists walk into a bar
The first scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of H2O”
The second scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of water too. Wh… why did you say H2O? Like, I know it’s the chemical formula for water and all, but it’s the end of the day and there’s really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work”
The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.
simon says you’re a little bitch